Click the Heart to listen
Read more about Liz at
http://www.lizmartoccilungcancerfoundation.org/about.html
Join us March 8th, 2009 for the San Diego Lung Cancer walk
http://events.lungevity.org/goto/lmlcf
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
"Emotions"
Today I sit here at my computer a little lost for words. I feel all the emotions inside. Earlier today I had a conversation with my brother Dan. He told me we need to start thinking about what's going to happen to dad when mom goes. I must be honest and tell you that this is a thought I don't want to ponder. The reality is that mom is going sooner or later. We really should be thinking about what's going to happen to everyone when that time comes. I don't want to think about that. I don't fear much of anything, I mean even death. I have conversations with a girlfriend of mine who says she fears death. I don't think I do really. I do fear losing my mom. How can I continue on without her? Who will I call on the way to work for 15 minutes and talk to every morning. Who will be the first person I call on Saturday & Sunday mornings? I know that statiscally mom's time is short. I can only hope & pray that she will beat the odds. But the reality once again is that mom's body is getting tired. Though emotionally she wants/needs to fight to keep going, how much longer can her weak, frail body continue this fight? I spent Valentines day with my mom & it was great. She actually ate all of her lunch. I was so proud of her! It took a lot out of her though to go to the store & lunch. I am patient with her & tell her to take her time & get what she needs. Well I can't continue much longer the tears are flowing. Until next time, take care all my love, Laura
Sunday, February 15, 2009
What To Do!!!!
So I have not typed a blog in a while. Basically because it has been hard. I live 350 miles away and basically mom will not even pick up the phone to talk to me. She simply “texts” me back. With messages as “ Feeling Fine , pooped 3 times today hurts a lot,, finished lunch little sausage and some homemade macaroni and chesses. As you and I know text messages do not show emotions.
I miss my mom my mom A LOT. It has been about a month since I have seen her. I never know what to expect when I do visit. My brother and sister say the worth, but each time I go I do not see the worth. I know mom is hurting, I know the chemo and radiation take a toll. I expect that right know.
I know my (our mom) will pull out of this. I speak with people every day that have lost their loved one in months. I just read about one that was DX on Nov 26 and lost her battle on Monday. She was only 39. I do not know if she smoked but does that matter?
I know I am still fighting the cause I hope everyone ready this dose he same .
God Bless,
Dan Hart
I miss my mom my mom A LOT. It has been about a month since I have seen her. I never know what to expect when I do visit. My brother and sister say the worth, but each time I go I do not see the worth. I know mom is hurting, I know the chemo and radiation take a toll. I expect that right know.
I know my (our mom) will pull out of this. I speak with people every day that have lost their loved one in months. I just read about one that was DX on Nov 26 and lost her battle on Monday. She was only 39. I do not know if she smoked but does that matter?
I know I am still fighting the cause I hope everyone ready this dose he same .
God Bless,
Dan Hart
Monday, February 9, 2009
Liz Martocci Calling in 2/9/09
Liz Martocci Calling in 2/9/09
Click the purple heart to listen
Join us for the San Diego Lung Cancer Walk March 8th http://events.lungevity.org/goto/lmlcf
Click the purple heart to listen
Join us for the San Diego Lung Cancer Walk March 8th http://events.lungevity.org/goto/lmlcf
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Dreams…. How Do You Make Them Reality?
I have never asked for much, ask the people that know me. Most of my adult life I have been on top of the world. I have traveled to places most only imagine. Yet those trips were to work. I must admit an amazing week in Cancun overlooking the Caribbean, a cruise to the Caribbean on an amazing cruise ship were not all that bad.
However what does Dan Hart really dream about? I must admit my dreams have changed immensely over the last few years. However my dreams are simple. I want those faced with cancer to live a happy life. I know first hand the family members do not. One day is good, the next not so good and the next maybe even scary. Just the other night I asked my brother if I should come to San Diego, it was via a long string of text messages. Gotta love text messages. Your emotions don’t show (as much). I want to support mom in the way I used to be able, however those trips to San Diego from Phoenix reek havoc on a budget that was not there for it.
Mom having Lung Cancer has had a huge impact on me, financially, mentally and spiritually. Yet for the most part I still chug forward. I promote the San Diego Lung Cancer Walk daily. I promote the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation daily.
There are days when I feel like a failure. I used to have money in the bank. I used to be able to buy what I wanted when I wanted. I used to be able to help my family if they needed anything. Today I can not say that, at least with dollars.
Every time I go back to San Diego for 5-6 hours on the road I wonder what mom may look like. Every time I see her its like layers of her are now gone. I really wanted to do a video diary of mom beating lung cancer. I didn’t do it each time I visited simply because the pain of seeing her in such agony kills me, and I do not want to ever remember her like that.
My mom, Liz Martocci, is an incredible woman. While statistics say she has less the 4.5 years I often wonder if she is not going to just bounce back and say “I was just testing you kids”. I hope the later is true.
I have not told mom to “fight” in a while. Her pain overwhelms me, my pain overwhelms me. I have cried more this year ( today is 2/5/09 than I did in the last 10 years combined)
In closing I want to say my dreams are big. I live them RIGHT now, personally. If we took mom’s lung cancer out of the equation, all of my family would be ok. Cancer takes such a toll, not only on your heart, but on your finances, missed work, extra gas, wear and tear on your car, but it chips away at you inside. Would I rather give up the time I get to spend with mom, when I do? Bill Gates doesn’t have the money for that. Do I wish I could spend more time with her YES!
Typing through tears is tough.
God Bless,
Dan Hart
www.lizmartoccilungcancerfoundation.org
However what does Dan Hart really dream about? I must admit my dreams have changed immensely over the last few years. However my dreams are simple. I want those faced with cancer to live a happy life. I know first hand the family members do not. One day is good, the next not so good and the next maybe even scary. Just the other night I asked my brother if I should come to San Diego, it was via a long string of text messages. Gotta love text messages. Your emotions don’t show (as much). I want to support mom in the way I used to be able, however those trips to San Diego from Phoenix reek havoc on a budget that was not there for it.
Mom having Lung Cancer has had a huge impact on me, financially, mentally and spiritually. Yet for the most part I still chug forward. I promote the San Diego Lung Cancer Walk daily. I promote the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation daily.
There are days when I feel like a failure. I used to have money in the bank. I used to be able to buy what I wanted when I wanted. I used to be able to help my family if they needed anything. Today I can not say that, at least with dollars.
Every time I go back to San Diego for 5-6 hours on the road I wonder what mom may look like. Every time I see her its like layers of her are now gone. I really wanted to do a video diary of mom beating lung cancer. I didn’t do it each time I visited simply because the pain of seeing her in such agony kills me, and I do not want to ever remember her like that.
My mom, Liz Martocci, is an incredible woman. While statistics say she has less the 4.5 years I often wonder if she is not going to just bounce back and say “I was just testing you kids”. I hope the later is true.
I have not told mom to “fight” in a while. Her pain overwhelms me, my pain overwhelms me. I have cried more this year ( today is 2/5/09 than I did in the last 10 years combined)
In closing I want to say my dreams are big. I live them RIGHT now, personally. If we took mom’s lung cancer out of the equation, all of my family would be ok. Cancer takes such a toll, not only on your heart, but on your finances, missed work, extra gas, wear and tear on your car, but it chips away at you inside. Would I rather give up the time I get to spend with mom, when I do? Bill Gates doesn’t have the money for that. Do I wish I could spend more time with her YES!
Typing through tears is tough.
God Bless,
Dan Hart
www.lizmartoccilungcancerfoundation.org
Dealing with Cancer
Hello
I am new to this blogging but need to talk, my sister Liz Martocci was diagnosed
with lung cancer about seven months ago and her kids have created a foundation to help her and others dealing with this disease.www.lizmartoccilungcancerfoundation.org
I have watched the site and spoken with the children and see the pain they are going through as I have lived it before you see this is the second sister to be hit by this decease.
We lost our sister Sheryl to Rectal Cancer in 1976, I was 14 at the time and watched this 21 year old woman deteriorate in front of my eyes. She lost her battle after only 6 months, we also lost Sheryl's daughter Kelly to Brain Cancer in 1985.
It has been 23 years since we dealt with this last dealt with this but the fear of losing another has been weighing on my mind. I don't get to see Liz much anymore as we have families of our own that takes up a great deal of our time, there was a time when we were young that we were best friends and I miss that.
I pray that Liz will beat this disease but I know the realty is that she will not.
I need her to know that she is Loved, not only by her children but by her brothers and mother as well.
In closing I ask that anyone who may see this to visit the site and help in anyway you can.
Tim
I am new to this blogging but need to talk, my sister Liz Martocci was diagnosed
with lung cancer about seven months ago and her kids have created a foundation to help her and others dealing with this disease.www.lizmartoccilungcancerfoundation.org
I have watched the site and spoken with the children and see the pain they are going through as I have lived it before you see this is the second sister to be hit by this decease.
We lost our sister Sheryl to Rectal Cancer in 1976, I was 14 at the time and watched this 21 year old woman deteriorate in front of my eyes. She lost her battle after only 6 months, we also lost Sheryl's daughter Kelly to Brain Cancer in 1985.
It has been 23 years since we dealt with this last dealt with this but the fear of losing another has been weighing on my mind. I don't get to see Liz much anymore as we have families of our own that takes up a great deal of our time, there was a time when we were young that we were best friends and I miss that.
I pray that Liz will beat this disease but I know the realty is that she will not.
I need her to know that she is Loved, not only by her children but by her brothers and mother as well.
In closing I ask that anyone who may see this to visit the site and help in anyway you can.
Tim
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Meaning of Strong
When you have posted the blogs of your siblings, writing one seems hard.. Getting a text message saying “This is the worst I have ever seen, it reminds me of the video you showed me” “Her face is swollen and she has spots on her arms”. How are you supposed to feel? My brother sent that to me via text. Then my sister in Law Jazmine calls crying telling me how much paid mom is in.
Both my brother and sister have asked what is “strong”. Trust me I ask myself that all the time. Well www.m-w.com says
1: having or marked by great physical power
2: having moral or intellectual power
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent)
4: of a specified number
5 a: striking or superior of its kind, a strong resemblance, b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction -strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez
The only way I know to deal with my own pain is to point out my brother, sister and I, WE all have all of these.
1: having or marked by great physical power, We have god and the Universe Working for us.
2: having moral or intellectual power, We have intellectual power, together we are all smarter
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent) We have amazing resources, we showed that when the foundation started.
4: of a specified number We have an amazing network of friends, online and off.
5 a: striking or superior of its kind (a strong resemblance) b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez
We are working as hard as we know how to, to help those living with lung cancer. www.LizMartocciLungCancerFoundation.org
The last 48 hours have been painful. I sit waiting by the phone. This morning I talked to my mom. I was caught off guard, as mom sounded good. I could tell she was tired but she never let on to the pain. I often wonder if she does it for me, or because she actually feels ok. Then I hang up the phone and wonder if her physical pain is similar or worse to the emotional paid I am feeling. I am a member of inspire.com and I know there are people dealing with lung cancer sometimes say things to make those “not diagnosed” feel better, but the road works both ways. Just Friday I was talking to my mom when I had to pause to compose myself. As much I try to be “strong” in this example maybe #1 works. Its fricken HARD.
It’s hard for so many reasons. Because I am not there for my mom, because I am not there for my family. How does pops feel? This must be crushing him inside. I can only imagine the pressure on his chest is similar to the pressure on my mom’s colon.
In ending this blog, I am going to close with the fact I slept maybe 3 hours last night. Somehow I think my mind will only allow me to do the same tonight. Cancer takes a toll on everyone involved. My roommates feel it, co-workers, my friends (outside of my amazing roommates) my dog, the guy at Fresh and Easy feels it. Cancer is something that once it has touched you in a personal way affects your being. You can do one of two things, let it affect you, or affect it! Kick Cancer in the Rear!!!!!
It's 9:43 Cali time and I text my mom to see if she was up, she said "No have a little pain tried trying to get a little shut i". I text her back and told her "I loved her and sweet dreams."
God Bless,
Dan Hart
Join us March 8th for the First San Diego Lung Cancer Walk
Both my brother and sister have asked what is “strong”. Trust me I ask myself that all the time. Well www.m-w.com says
1: having or marked by great physical power
2: having moral or intellectual power
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent)
4: of a specified number
5 a: striking or superior of its kind, a strong resemblance, b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction -strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez
The only way I know to deal with my own pain is to point out my brother, sister and I, WE all have all of these.
1: having or marked by great physical power, We have god and the Universe Working for us.
2: having moral or intellectual power, We have intellectual power, together we are all smarter
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent) We have amazing resources, we showed that when the foundation started.
4: of a specified number
5 a: striking or superior of its kind (a strong resemblance) b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez
We are working as hard as we know how to, to help those living with lung cancer. www.LizMartocciLungCancerFoundation.org
The last 48 hours have been painful. I sit waiting by the phone. This morning I talked to my mom. I was caught off guard, as mom sounded good. I could tell she was tired but she never let on to the pain. I often wonder if she does it for me, or because she actually feels ok. Then I hang up the phone and wonder if her physical pain is similar or worse to the emotional paid I am feeling. I am a member of inspire.com and I know there are people dealing with lung cancer sometimes say things to make those “not diagnosed” feel better, but the road works both ways. Just Friday I was talking to my mom when I had to pause to compose myself. As much I try to be “strong” in this example maybe #1 works. Its fricken HARD.
It’s hard for so many reasons. Because I am not there for my mom, because I am not there for my family. How does pops feel? This must be crushing him inside. I can only imagine the pressure on his chest is similar to the pressure on my mom’s colon.
In ending this blog, I am going to close with the fact I slept maybe 3 hours last night. Somehow I think my mind will only allow me to do the same tonight. Cancer takes a toll on everyone involved. My roommates feel it, co-workers, my friends (outside of my amazing roommates) my dog, the guy at Fresh and Easy feels it. Cancer is something that once it has touched you in a personal way affects your being. You can do one of two things, let it affect you, or affect it! Kick Cancer in the Rear!!!!!
It's 9:43 Cali time and I text my mom to see if she was up, she said "No have a little pain tried trying to get a little shut i". I text her back and told her "I loved her and sweet dreams."
God Bless,
Dan Hart
Join us March 8th for the First San Diego Lung Cancer Walk
Inspirations
Lately I haven't been I able to find the words to blog. I often read my brothers' blogs to find the inspiration to continue my day. Lately I'm struggling emotionally. Mom's in the hospital again. Last night was the worst I have ever seen her. It gets harder for me everytime. Sometimes it's hard for me to get up in the morning, I just want to sleep, I guess I think that if I sleep all day I won't have to think about it. Every down moment I had today was thoughts of my mom lying in the hospital bed sleeping, with her face swollen and moaning because of the pain she is in. I just can't get that picture out of my mind. I want so badly to make her pain go away. I wish I could comfort her. I can't find the words to tell her it's ok. I look at my children and know that I must continue every day because they need me. My boyfriend told me today to be strong. How?? Really how do I be strong? I know that my children need me to be. I wouldn't be the woman I am today if my mom wasn't strong for me. But the thought of losing her is killing me inside slowly. I wonder if my mom feels like she is slowly dying. Please forgive me anyone if my thoughts are offensive to anyone but this is what I'm feeling. The thoughts I am thinking. I am fighting so hard to get through my days. I'm angry, sad, confused. All I want is to have my mom back. The woman who held my hand and wiped away my tears. Mom I will hold your hand and wipe away your tears. It's funny how things work now. Our parents take care of us and then we take care of them. In closing I will say find your inspirations to go on. You can get through it.
With love until next time
Laura
With love until next time
Laura
Monday, February 2, 2009
That Call
Well here we go again mom was supposed to have radiation today but instead I got THAT CALL. saying “mom has to go to the emergency room because of severe stomach pain”. So I told Jaz to keep me posted and that when I got off work, I would come by the hospital and see how things are going. When I got there it was a little bit more than I have seen in the past this time was probably the worst. It kind of reminded me of a video that my brother has shown me in the past. That video was a scary real life experience that somebody else was going thru, and I see that video in my mom right now. Boy I don’t want to see that video come to real life for mom and her family but now I think that it really is coming and I just don’t know how to really deal with that. All the pain I saw her suffering from her face looking like the guy from pure luck (remember when he gets stung by a bee). Wow this is some real shit sometimes I wonder when that one phone call comes that nobody wants is going to come. Will it be tomorrow or will it be 5 years from now. Who knows only 2 people, the man upstairs and my very lovely mother. Maybe the pain that she is suffering is from the toxins build up from her not doing number 2 for a week, maybe it’s just the cancer taking over who knows. I just wish this will all go away and mom back to the way she was when we were little kids. As we get older things are going to come into our lives that we have no control over. That's what’s messed up about life. in closing I would like to say nobody wants that phone call but what are u going to do when it comes I guess deal with it like all the other calls that have been made.
with love
Jeffrey J Hart
with love
Jeffrey J Hart
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Live Long, Live Happy, and Smile More!!!!!!
I am not sure how to start this blog. I am a hard working man; I have been working since I was 12 years old. I used to buy candy for a nickel and resell it for a dime; I used to sell newspaper subscriptions door to door. That was the 80’s; no parent in their right mind would allow their child to hop in a van smoking from the tail pipe, filed with carpet inside these days. Yet I think my mom was proud!
The 90’s allowed me thousands of blessed moments. I met Charlie, Scott, Sherry and Shirley to name a few. I met Frank who helped me over come many of the things I am not going to blog about tonight. If anyone ever talks bad about 90’s style, well they can, just don’t bad mouth the friends I made, sorry to my 90’s friends but you are stuck with me for life.
As I child anyway knew I would be something, as an adult I am not sure what “something” means. However “thanks Patty P” I someway some how god blessed me with Patty. She was going through her “times” and I was chugging forward. Through her toughest times I somehow became the Dan “man “ I was supposed to be.
Times are tough again for everyone, gas, food, and even lights seem like a luxury to many. (me included) When times get tough the tough get working. Work harder than you ever have. Sometimes that means parking elsewhere so the repo man doesn’t know where you car is. ( trust me I know) So often when you are giving your heart and soul looking for work, it is right in front of you.
I want to close this blog with only one this (a record for me!) Enjoy today because tomorrow is not here and yesterday is gone. Smile, laugh and love more. However most of all, Forgive the past, cause if you don’t it will bother you forever!
Live Long, Live Happy, and Smile More!!!!!!
Dan hart
The 90’s allowed me thousands of blessed moments. I met Charlie, Scott, Sherry and Shirley to name a few. I met Frank who helped me over come many of the things I am not going to blog about tonight. If anyone ever talks bad about 90’s style, well they can, just don’t bad mouth the friends I made, sorry to my 90’s friends but you are stuck with me for life.
As I child anyway knew I would be something, as an adult I am not sure what “something” means. However “thanks Patty P” I someway some how god blessed me with Patty. She was going through her “times” and I was chugging forward. Through her toughest times I somehow became the Dan “man “ I was supposed to be.
Times are tough again for everyone, gas, food, and even lights seem like a luxury to many. (me included) When times get tough the tough get working. Work harder than you ever have. Sometimes that means parking elsewhere so the repo man doesn’t know where you car is. ( trust me I know) So often when you are giving your heart and soul looking for work, it is right in front of you.
I want to close this blog with only one this (a record for me!) Enjoy today because tomorrow is not here and yesterday is gone. Smile, laugh and love more. However most of all, Forgive the past, cause if you don’t it will bother you forever!
Live Long, Live Happy, and Smile More!!!!!!
Dan hart
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