Liz Calling in 9/15

Today was WonderFul

So today I want to cut my blog short.I plan to post more blogs that are shorter. Mom made me breakfast and lunch (don't tell her but i didn't eat lunch) See I am in San Diego this week for moms 54th bday. We took family pics on Saturday and went to Sea World San Diego, it was a blast. Mom is looking good but she is swollen. I am grateful she has made it to today. You can tell the cancer (or drugs) have taken a toll on her but she still has an AMAZING spirit to fight. She is working so hard for her kids and grand kids. I know she will beat this battle. In just a few days she will be 54 years old, I am 36yo do the math and KNOW she raised a great family.

I hate seeing that mom can barely make it up the stairs, or she forgets what she just told you (chemo brain). However I love to make her laugh and I enjoy watching her shows, Rachel Ray and the barefoot-contessa. I am so grateful to spend these days with her in person.

Love Always,

Dan

Liz Calling in 8/11/09 Radiation starts for her neck start in two days.

Liz Calling in 7/27

Liz Calling in after they found a mass on her neck.

Press the heart to play

http://www.lmlcf.org stop by and sign the guestbook

I am so PROUD of MY MOM

I am so grateful and proud that my mom was able to go to sea world with my twin nephews and my sister (their mom) Yes my sister has twins on her bday. They turned 7 today. Honestly I am not sure when The Lung Cancer clock started but it was just over a year ago when mom's DR's told her she had lung cancer it was July 22,08 when we found out it was stage IV. Mom is an AMAZING FIGHTER, keep that in mind if you were recently DX with LC. One Year is a HUGE milestone, and mom has bunches more!

If you read my last post you will know her lung tumors shrunk my 70%. Surround yourself with positive people and positive things happen.

Mom's DR never told her how long she had to live, She (mom's DR) said that was up to her. I hear so often that DR's say you have 6 months to a year to live. When did a med degree make you god?

I am so happy and grateful for every moment I get to see and or talk to my mom. I live in Phx, AZ, and mom lives in San Diego CA, however I make the trip every 3-4 weeks. Something I should have always done, but never had the time or money. Well when you something is important the time and money shows up, even when you are faced with forecloser.

My mom is beating amazing odds, and for that I am so proud. I have never been more proud to be HER son. She is finally living life and enjoying life (minus a few chemo set backs).

If you are newly DX or had some set backs ( my moms tumors grew after her second chemo treatment) don't give up the faith. As the one fighting Lung Cancer Focus on what YOU WANT, what do you want to do? What do you want to see? Even through the pain, know what you want, and you can beat is horrible cancer, we call the silent killer, (for now).
Stand up and make a voice share your story, whether you are dealing with cancer in your body, you are a husband or wife, daughter, son, granddaughter, grandson,friend, a co worker of someone dealing with it on any level. Grasping for your next breath is hard. I have seen first hand my mom do it. Hooked to machines.
But her attitude has changed it all. Maybe its the way it brought our family closer, and for that I am thankful mom has lung cancer. But more than that its the way mom has a new passion to live and give, and make the most of every day. For the first time in my 36 years, I see my mom living for her, and not her kids, or grandkids. Don't get me wrong she treats us like gold. But she treats herself like titanium.
She is not ready to give up the fight, however if she ever is, I will be the first to say how PROUD I am of her. She fought this hard, and her fight is still STRONG.

If you are recently DX with LC, fight with all you have, enjoy life, its ok to cry, its better to laugh, regardless you just need to live.

My mom does not have internet skills so I am pretty certain she will never read this. But I want to close with I am the PROUDEST SON ON THE PLANET!!!!

The road has been long and hard, but it was just over a year ago when she was told she needed a CT scan, they found something.

They Found ALOT, but the one thing they found, that no one was looking for was a WILL TO LIVE!!!

Mom I hope someday you read this!

I love you!

Dan
http://www.lmlcf.org

To realize (The origin of this letter is unknownP

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:

LOSE ONE.

Liz Calling in 5/14/09

Liz Calling in 5/14/09

Click the heart to play.

Donate if you can but please pass it along.

http:www.lmlcf.org

Laura Hart Calling in 4/30/2009

Laura Hart Calling in 4/30/2009

Click the Heart to Play the Audio

Liz Martocci Calling in 2/9/09

Liz Martocci Calling in 2/9/09

Click the purple heart to listen


Join us for the San Diego Lung Cancer Walk March 8th http://events.lungevity.org/goto/lmlcf

Dreams…. How Do You Make Them Reality?

I have never asked for much, ask the people that know me. Most of my adult life I have been on top of the world. I have traveled to places most only imagine. Yet those trips were to work. I must admit an amazing week in Cancun overlooking the Caribbean, a cruise to the Caribbean on an amazing cruise ship were not all that bad.
However what does Dan Hart really dream about? I must admit my dreams have changed immensely over the last few years. However my dreams are simple. I want those faced with cancer to live a happy life. I know first hand the family members do not. One day is good, the next not so good and the next maybe even scary. Just the other night I asked my brother if I should come to San Diego, it was via a long string of text messages. Gotta love text messages. Your emotions don’t show (as much). I want to support mom in the way I used to be able, however those trips to San Diego from Phoenix reek havoc on a budget that was not there for it.
Mom having Lung Cancer has had a huge impact on me, financially, mentally and spiritually. Yet for the most part I still chug forward. I promote the San Diego Lung Cancer Walk daily. I promote the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation daily.
There are days when I feel like a failure. I used to have money in the bank. I used to be able to buy what I wanted when I wanted. I used to be able to help my family if they needed anything. Today I can not say that, at least with dollars.
Every time I go back to San Diego for 5-6 hours on the road I wonder what mom may look like. Every time I see her its like layers of her are now gone. I really wanted to do a video diary of mom beating lung cancer. I didn’t do it each time I visited simply because the pain of seeing her in such agony kills me, and I do not want to ever remember her like that.
My mom, Liz Martocci, is an incredible woman. While statistics say she has less the 4.5 years I often wonder if she is not going to just bounce back and say “I was just testing you kids”. I hope the later is true.
I have not told mom to “fight” in a while. Her pain overwhelms me, my pain overwhelms me. I have cried more this year ( today is 2/5/09 than I did in the last 10 years combined)
In closing I want to say my dreams are big. I live them RIGHT now, personally. If we took mom’s lung cancer out of the equation, all of my family would be ok. Cancer takes such a toll, not only on your heart, but on your finances, missed work, extra gas, wear and tear on your car, but it chips away at you inside. Would I rather give up the time I get to spend with mom, when I do? Bill Gates doesn’t have the money for that. Do I wish I could spend more time with her YES!

Typing through tears is tough.
God Bless,

Dan Hart
www.lizmartoccilungcancerfoundation.org

Dealing with Cancer

Hello

I am new to this blogging but need to talk, my sister Liz Martocci was diagnosed
with lung cancer about seven months ago and her kids have created a foundation to help her and others dealing with this disease.www.lizmartoccilungcancerfoundation.org

I have watched the site and spoken with the children and see the pain they are going through as I have lived it before you see this is the second sister to be hit by this decease.

We lost our sister Sheryl to Rectal Cancer in 1976, I was 14 at the time and watched this 21 year old woman deteriorate in front of my eyes. She lost her battle after only 6 months, we also lost Sheryl's daughter Kelly to Brain Cancer in 1985.

It has been 23 years since we dealt with this last dealt with this but the fear of losing another has been weighing on my mind. I don't get to see Liz much anymore as we have families of our own that takes up a great deal of our time, there was a time when we were young that we were best friends and I miss that.

I pray that Liz will beat this disease but I know the realty is that she will not.

I need her to know that she is Loved, not only by her children but by her brothers and mother as well.

In closing I ask that anyone who may see this to visit the site and help in anyway you can.


Tim

The Meaning of Strong

When you have posted the blogs of your siblings, writing one seems hard.. Getting a text message saying “This is the worst I have ever seen, it reminds me of the video you showed me” “Her face is swollen and she has spots on her arms”. How are you supposed to feel? My brother sent that to me via text. Then my sister in Law Jazmine calls crying telling me how much paid mom is in.
Both my brother and sister have asked what is “strong”. Trust me I ask myself that all the time. Well www.m-w.com says
1: having or marked by great physical power
2: having moral or intellectual power
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent)
4: of a specified number
5 a: striking or superior of its kind, a strong resemblance, b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction -strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez

The only way I know to deal with my own pain is to point out my brother, sister and I, WE all have all of these.
1: having or marked by great physical power, We have god and the Universe Working for us.
2: having moral or intellectual power, We have intellectual power, together we are all smarter
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent) We have amazing resources, we showed that when the foundation started.
4: of a specified number We have an amazing network of friends, online and off.
5 a: striking or superior of its kind (a strong resemblance) b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez

We are working as hard as we know how to, to help those living with lung cancer. www.LizMartocciLungCancerFoundation.org

The last 48 hours have been painful. I sit waiting by the phone. This morning I talked to my mom. I was caught off guard, as mom sounded good. I could tell she was tired but she never let on to the pain. I often wonder if she does it for me, or because she actually feels ok. Then I hang up the phone and wonder if her physical pain is similar or worse to the emotional paid I am feeling. I am a member of inspire.com and I know there are people dealing with lung cancer sometimes say things to make those “not diagnosed” feel better, but the road works both ways. Just Friday I was talking to my mom when I had to pause to compose myself. As much I try to be “strong” in this example maybe #1 works. Its fricken HARD.
It’s hard for so many reasons. Because I am not there for my mom, because I am not there for my family. How does pops feel? This must be crushing him inside. I can only imagine the pressure on his chest is similar to the pressure on my mom’s colon.
In ending this blog, I am going to close with the fact I slept maybe 3 hours last night. Somehow I think my mind will only allow me to do the same tonight. Cancer takes a toll on everyone involved. My roommates feel it, co-workers, my friends (outside of my amazing roommates) my dog, the guy at Fresh and Easy feels it. Cancer is something that once it has touched you in a personal way affects your being. You can do one of two things, let it affect you, or affect it! Kick Cancer in the Rear!!!!!

It's 9:43 Cali time and I text my mom to see if she was up, she said "No have a little pain tried trying to get a little shut i". I text her back and told her "I loved her and sweet dreams."

God Bless,
Dan Hart
Join us March 8th for the First San Diego Lung Cancer Walk

Inspirations

Lately I haven't been I able to find the words to blog. I often read my brothers' blogs to find the inspiration to continue my day. Lately I'm struggling emotionally. Mom's in the hospital again. Last night was the worst I have ever seen her. It gets harder for me everytime. Sometimes it's hard for me to get up in the morning, I just want to sleep, I guess I think that if I sleep all day I won't have to think about it. Every down moment I had today was thoughts of my mom lying in the hospital bed sleeping, with her face swollen and moaning because of the pain she is in. I just can't get that picture out of my mind. I want so badly to make her pain go away. I wish I could comfort her. I can't find the words to tell her it's ok. I look at my children and know that I must continue every day because they need me. My boyfriend told me today to be strong. How?? Really how do I be strong? I know that my children need me to be. I wouldn't be the woman I am today if my mom wasn't strong for me. But the thought of losing her is killing me inside slowly. I wonder if my mom feels like she is slowly dying. Please forgive me anyone if my thoughts are offensive to anyone but this is what I'm feeling. The thoughts I am thinking. I am fighting so hard to get through my days. I'm angry, sad, confused. All I want is to have my mom back. The woman who held my hand and wiped away my tears. Mom I will hold your hand and wipe away your tears. It's funny how things work now. Our parents take care of us and then we take care of them. In closing I will say find your inspirations to go on. You can get through it.
With love until next time
Laura

That Call

Well here we go again mom was supposed to have radiation today but instead I got THAT CALL. saying “mom has to go to the emergency room because of severe stomach pain”. So I told Jaz to keep me posted and that when I got off work, I would come by the hospital and see how things are going. When I got there it was a little bit more than I have seen in the past this time was probably the worst. It kind of reminded me of a video that my brother has shown me in the past. That video was a scary real life experience that somebody else was going thru, and I see that video in my mom right now. Boy I don’t want to see that video come to real life for mom and her family but now I think that it really is coming and I just don’t know how to really deal with that. All the pain I saw her suffering from her face looking like the guy from pure luck (remember when he gets stung by a bee). Wow this is some real shit sometimes I wonder when that one phone call comes that nobody wants is going to come. Will it be tomorrow or will it be 5 years from now. Who knows only 2 people, the man upstairs and my very lovely mother. Maybe the pain that she is suffering is from the toxins build up from her not doing number 2 for a week, maybe it’s just the cancer taking over who knows. I just wish this will all go away and mom back to the way she was when we were little kids. As we get older things are going to come into our lives that we have no control over. That's what’s messed up about life. in closing I would like to say nobody wants that phone call but what are u going to do when it comes I guess deal with it like all the other calls that have been made.
with love
Jeffrey J Hart

Emotions

Today I sit here at my computer lost for words to blog. In my heart & mind I have some many things to say. You see emotions are crazy. I know what I want to say but I can't find the words. Lately I have had so many things going on in my mind. I love my mom more than I can find the words to say. Everyday that goes by I see her weaker than the last time I saw her. Truth is she can barely walk on her own sometimes. Inside I feel like I'm dying sometimes. I find myself reminiscing about the times that we have shared. The moments that she held my hand. The laughs we shared. Why am I feeling all of these emotions? Truth is I am afraid of losing her. I can't imagine life without her. I am having trouble writing this blog right now, it's very hard to talk about it. I know this is short but please remember it is heartfelt. I will blog again soon. Until next time don't be afraid of emotions. Laura Hart

Comforting Words

Sometimes I can't find the words to tell myself or my family members to help get through this. Tomorrow is mom's appointment with the radiologist. I must admit I am a bit nervous. What will radiation do to mom? I keep wondering how she will get through it? I know she will but how sick will she get before it's over? Chemo really did it's work on mom. There were days she didn't even look like my mom. That is very hard for me to see. I know that together as a family we can do this but I still can't find those comforting words. I wonder if I ever will. I say a prayer to the lord above every night. It's funny how things are. I have always believed in the lord but I never regularly said prayers. Now I say one every night before bed. I pray that he will watch over my mom & get her through this. I pray for my family. I know we will get through this. Someone told me today to remember it will have it's ups & downs. Boy you can say that again! Mom just got out of the hospital yesterday, after a 4 day stay. You see she was going to have this procedure to insert a tube into her lung so she could breath better, however they weren't able to do the procedure because her tumor is to large & hard. So the next day she told me she felt awful. Like she had been hit by a car. All I could think was dam what's happening to my mom now?? She told me she couldn't move her arms or legs. It turns out she had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. Mom is better now. Hopefully no more trips to the hospital anytime soon. Well I'm going to end this with Remember you might always not be able to find comforting words, that's ok just listen.

With love until next time Laura

An Audio from Liz

Listen to the complete audio diary here

A lot can change in 7 minutes

Today I was online cruising around checking out the job market, playing on facebook and myspace when I got an email from my sister. “Guess who I found on myspace brother” She had found a friend of her’s that was actually a friend of the family since the mid 80’s. Oddly I was on facebook just the other day looking for the older sisters, one of which was my roommate in the early 90’s.
Well 7 minutes after the email arrived my sister called me. I knew mom had a Doctor’s appointment today however it was only 10:30 am California time so I did not expect to hear anything that quick. My sister starts out in a somber voice, “hey brother, I wanted to call you before you got a text, mom’s tumors have grown and that’s why she is having trouble breathing and going to the bathroom”. Once again it’s a tough thing to hear when you are 350 miles away, yet less than perfect news is becoming something I am used to. It had only been 7 minutes between my sisters email saying she had found a friend from the past. It amazes me how fast a mood can change.
Dan Hart
www.LizMartocciLungCancerFoundation.org

Remember to cherish every moment

Well today is Friday. It has been a particulary long week for me. I am struggling with finals and mom being sick again. On Monday morning I made my usual call to mom, however this time was different. She was crying. She was bleeding and didn't know why. I told her she would be fine and not to worry. However in my mind I was breaking down. Towards the end of the conversation mom said she doesn't want to die and she's not ready to die. At that moment I couldn't hold it any longer. I too started to cry telling her she's not going any where and she would be just fine. But honestly I wasn't sure myself. I am at a point now that I cherish every moment with her because I never no when the last might be. Well I relieved my brother Jeff at the hospital at about 6 & didn't leave until around 2:30 am when mom finally got a room. I have had many long nights like this but never imagined so close to Christmas this would happen again. It's now the end of the week and after 3 days mom is back home. Doing better than before. I must close this now because the tears are starting to roll, but in closing I want to say, Remember to cherish every moment like it's your last. Love and appreciate everyone you love always not just when they are sick.


With love until next time,
Laura

With love respect and Gratitude

WOW is all I can type. Me, myself and I (Dan Hart) has had the most AMAZING journey to get to where I am. Where I, am, is, a son of an incredible mother, a brother to an amazing man, a sister in law (law sucks) to an amazing woman and a brother to an astounding woman. Without each and every one of them I would simply be a face in a crowd. If you have met me or any of my family you know we are not a face in the crowd. We have nothing that stands out and makes us “different” except one thing our last name is HART.

As I type these words I could not be more proud to say I am a HART. Our mom married into the Hart family and dealt with the “crap” it would bring. She has 3 wonderful children that are proud of her for everything she has ever done. Recently while at UCSD Thornton Hospital mom said to me “ I am sorry, I wish I could turn back time and make you, kids life better, I would change so much” In that nano second I thought, but did not say, “Mom you have made me who I am and you did the same for my brother and sister, you should be so proud.”

My uncle Tim brought my reality back to earth when he said “ I am so proud of you kids for pulling together to help your mom the way you have”.

What was our option?? To pull together and make it happen or sit around and watch it happen?? Make it happen was the only option. I am certain we all crossed lines, broke thru brick walls we did not mean to cross with only one vision in mind, MOM WILL BE CANCER FREE. Actually MOM IS CANCER FREE. Strange how you change the text and meaning and feeling is so different. Or is it?

Mom is a FIGHTER. She is going to kick this cancer is the @ss. Mom has the support and prayers of 10’s of thousands of people she has never met and the WILL she gave her children at birth. Personally I would never change a thing about my up bringing. It has made me who I am. My brother Jeff, sister Laura and I all sit on the board of the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation with only one vote; however we know we have the power within our selves to change the world.

Tomorrow brings a new day and a new encounter; however as a HART I know we will face it, find a way around it without starting another war, and move forward.

With love respect and Gratitude I close this,

I love you mom and 10’s of thousands feel the same way. Fight with all you have!!!

Love Always,

Dan