Laura Hart Calling in 6/22/09

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Laura Hart Calling in 4/30/2009

Laura Hart Calling in 4/30/2009

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"Emotions"

Today I sit here at my computer a little lost for words. I feel all the emotions inside. Earlier today I had a conversation with my brother Dan. He told me we need to start thinking about what's going to happen to dad when mom goes. I must be honest and tell you that this is a thought I don't want to ponder. The reality is that mom is going sooner or later. We really should be thinking about what's going to happen to everyone when that time comes. I don't want to think about that. I don't fear much of anything, I mean even death. I have conversations with a girlfriend of mine who says she fears death. I don't think I do really. I do fear losing my mom. How can I continue on without her? Who will I call on the way to work for 15 minutes and talk to every morning. Who will be the first person I call on Saturday & Sunday mornings? I know that statiscally mom's time is short. I can only hope & pray that she will beat the odds. But the reality once again is that mom's body is getting tired. Though emotionally she wants/needs to fight to keep going, how much longer can her weak, frail body continue this fight? I spent Valentines day with my mom & it was great. She actually ate all of her lunch. I was so proud of her! It took a lot out of her though to go to the store & lunch. I am patient with her & tell her to take her time & get what she needs. Well I can't continue much longer the tears are flowing. Until next time, take care all my love, Laura

Comforting Words

Sometimes I can't find the words to tell myself or my family members to help get through this. Tomorrow is mom's appointment with the radiologist. I must admit I am a bit nervous. What will radiation do to mom? I keep wondering how she will get through it? I know she will but how sick will she get before it's over? Chemo really did it's work on mom. There were days she didn't even look like my mom. That is very hard for me to see. I know that together as a family we can do this but I still can't find those comforting words. I wonder if I ever will. I say a prayer to the lord above every night. It's funny how things are. I have always believed in the lord but I never regularly said prayers. Now I say one every night before bed. I pray that he will watch over my mom & get her through this. I pray for my family. I know we will get through this. Someone told me today to remember it will have it's ups & downs. Boy you can say that again! Mom just got out of the hospital yesterday, after a 4 day stay. You see she was going to have this procedure to insert a tube into her lung so she could breath better, however they weren't able to do the procedure because her tumor is to large & hard. So the next day she told me she felt awful. Like she had been hit by a car. All I could think was dam what's happening to my mom now?? She told me she couldn't move her arms or legs. It turns out she had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. Mom is better now. Hopefully no more trips to the hospital anytime soon. Well I'm going to end this with Remember you might always not be able to find comforting words, that's ok just listen.

With love until next time Laura

I can't find the words this time

Hello again everyone. Today was not a good day. Today was mom's follow up appointment. The news was not good. It seems moms tumors are getting bigger instead of smaller. I feel today like I felt the day Dr. Channick first told us mom had lung cancer. This is an awful disease. We really need to get the word out. Mom is now feeling like she is back at ground zero. Truly it seems like she is. She now has to go through it all over again except this time it's going to be more. Radiation & chemo. I know we will get through this again. It will be tough but we are a strong family & life is all about obstacles. I am going to close now, I know this is short but I am a little lost for words today. In closing remember to get the word out on lung cancer. We can do this.
With love,
Laura