The Meaning of Strong

When you have posted the blogs of your siblings, writing one seems hard.. Getting a text message saying “This is the worst I have ever seen, it reminds me of the video you showed me” “Her face is swollen and she has spots on her arms”. How are you supposed to feel? My brother sent that to me via text. Then my sister in Law Jazmine calls crying telling me how much paid mom is in.
Both my brother and sister have asked what is “strong”. Trust me I ask myself that all the time. Well www.m-w.com says
1: having or marked by great physical power
2: having moral or intellectual power
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent)
4: of a specified number
5 a: striking or superior of its kind, a strong resemblance, b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction -strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez

The only way I know to deal with my own pain is to point out my brother, sister and I, WE all have all of these.
1: having or marked by great physical power, We have god and the Universe Working for us.
2: having moral or intellectual power, We have intellectual power, together we are all smarter
3: having great resources (as of wealth or talent) We have amazing resources, we showed that when the foundation started.
4: of a specified number We have an amazing network of friends, online and off.
5 a: striking or superior of its kind (a strong resemblance) b: effective or efficient especially in a specified direction strong on watching other people work — A. Alvarez

We are working as hard as we know how to, to help those living with lung cancer. www.LizMartocciLungCancerFoundation.org

The last 48 hours have been painful. I sit waiting by the phone. This morning I talked to my mom. I was caught off guard, as mom sounded good. I could tell she was tired but she never let on to the pain. I often wonder if she does it for me, or because she actually feels ok. Then I hang up the phone and wonder if her physical pain is similar or worse to the emotional paid I am feeling. I am a member of inspire.com and I know there are people dealing with lung cancer sometimes say things to make those “not diagnosed” feel better, but the road works both ways. Just Friday I was talking to my mom when I had to pause to compose myself. As much I try to be “strong” in this example maybe #1 works. Its fricken HARD.
It’s hard for so many reasons. Because I am not there for my mom, because I am not there for my family. How does pops feel? This must be crushing him inside. I can only imagine the pressure on his chest is similar to the pressure on my mom’s colon.
In ending this blog, I am going to close with the fact I slept maybe 3 hours last night. Somehow I think my mind will only allow me to do the same tonight. Cancer takes a toll on everyone involved. My roommates feel it, co-workers, my friends (outside of my amazing roommates) my dog, the guy at Fresh and Easy feels it. Cancer is something that once it has touched you in a personal way affects your being. You can do one of two things, let it affect you, or affect it! Kick Cancer in the Rear!!!!!

It's 9:43 Cali time and I text my mom to see if she was up, she said "No have a little pain tried trying to get a little shut i". I text her back and told her "I loved her and sweet dreams."

God Bless,
Dan Hart
Join us March 8th for the First San Diego Lung Cancer Walk

Comforting Words

Sometimes I can't find the words to tell myself or my family members to help get through this. Tomorrow is mom's appointment with the radiologist. I must admit I am a bit nervous. What will radiation do to mom? I keep wondering how she will get through it? I know she will but how sick will she get before it's over? Chemo really did it's work on mom. There were days she didn't even look like my mom. That is very hard for me to see. I know that together as a family we can do this but I still can't find those comforting words. I wonder if I ever will. I say a prayer to the lord above every night. It's funny how things are. I have always believed in the lord but I never regularly said prayers. Now I say one every night before bed. I pray that he will watch over my mom & get her through this. I pray for my family. I know we will get through this. Someone told me today to remember it will have it's ups & downs. Boy you can say that again! Mom just got out of the hospital yesterday, after a 4 day stay. You see she was going to have this procedure to insert a tube into her lung so she could breath better, however they weren't able to do the procedure because her tumor is to large & hard. So the next day she told me she felt awful. Like she had been hit by a car. All I could think was dam what's happening to my mom now?? She told me she couldn't move her arms or legs. It turns out she had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. Mom is better now. Hopefully no more trips to the hospital anytime soon. Well I'm going to end this with Remember you might always not be able to find comforting words, that's ok just listen.

With love until next time Laura