Who could have prepared themselves for the last week? Mom did her first round of chemo a week ago today. The days to follow were very hard for me. All of us. As I sit here again at work not able to go to chemo with mom again, my thoughts are: Will it hit her in the days to follow as hard as it did this last week? My brother came to visit this weekend & we actually got mom out of the house. She's finally eating & now she has to do it all over again. Mom hang in there! We will kick this cancer in the butt!! I can't imagine how my mom is feeling, as for me it's killing me inside. Seeing how pail her face is, how much weight she is losing, just not having enough energy to walk to the car. Can anyone really prepare themselves for this? I don't think so. My life has been so crazy lately all I want to do is make my mom better. I know she will get better & soon. My mom is a fighter & so are all of us. Hang in there brothers! I love you guys! Mom please remember when you are feeling like sh.. That you have it in you to fight, just have to find it. I know sometimes (most) it's hard, hell it's easier to give up but we can't. We need you to get better. So mom continue this fight. It may get hard hopefully it will get easier, but we together all of us will fight it with you. Remember when you are home alone feeling yucky that we are here, Researching to make you better. I love you mom with all that I have in me. Isayah, Lamont Eugene, & Julias need you get strong! They can't wait until you can watch them pass the ball in football. We all love you mom! With all my love until next time. May god bless everyone. Lori
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Tonight is the first night I have been able to “feel ok”. As you may know mom started her chemo today. Three drugs that all seem very scary to me, yet I know they will make mom a survivor. Mom is an amazing person after all she created the 3 off us (children) much of the reason I feel the Dr knew she can handle these three drugs.
I sit here at my laptop, at my dinning room table, as I do many (most) evenings, thinking about how much gratitude I have for life. I own a home and a small piece of land, my home sits on. I have an amazing lawn and garden, that was only a parking lot 12 months ago. My home burned, and if it were not brick it would have been a total lost. Without the values my mom instilled in me I would not have my home. I also have to thank my brother as he introduced me to our mortgage broker. I have my health. I am only 35 yet my heart is still ticking just as it should. My plan in life is to never have any regrets, know I did everything I could for that day.
I wrote the first press release for the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation today. Only days before we hit our 30 day mark. When I say 30 day mark I mean when the idea became a reality, it was all one day. One day, one thought is all it takes to change the world. What color car do you drive? Henry ford said “The Customer Can Have Any Color He Wants So Long As It's Black” My truck is white. Imagination if a goal is what makes a goal real. I imagine Henry knew back then cars would not always be black, but he knew what people needed and wanted at the time. Much like the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation. Henry Ford said “I will build a car for the great multitude. It will be large enough for the family, but small enough for the individual to run and care for. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the simplest designs that modern engineering can devise. But it will be low in price that no man making a good salary will be unable to own one-and enjoy with his family the blessing of hours of pleasure in God's great open spaces” The Liz Martocci Lung Cancer is geared to do the same. Change the lives of lung cancer patients and those living with it one person, family at a time.
The Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation knows people need love, compassion and support everyday. Lung cancer does not change that. Lung cancer simply means people dealing with it might need even more support.
Life is an amazing thing and we never know the impact we have on another’s life. When all is said and done we simply know what we did in the world made a difference. Did you make a difference today that will impact the world?
Please stop by and sign the guest book of the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation. You may never know what a difference a few key strokes can make.
Mom I am so proud of you for making today a complete success. Without you the world would be very different. No Dan, Jeff, Laura, Isayah, Brittnee, Lamont, Eugene, or Julius, not to mention the lives all of us have changed along the way.
I could type all night about the lives you have changed yet I respect you know.
Love Always with a new passion,
Today was the day of moms first chemo and boy what a day it started a 7 am and didn’t end until 230pm mom was scared and talking all the way about the poison that’s about enter her body all I said is this poison is going to take away the poison that is already in your body I think that kind of made her feel a little better she didn’t eat breakfast because she didn’t know if she could so we are waiting for her to get called I go and get a newspaper from the hospital but I made a sidetrack to the cafeteria I hadn’t eaten either and my stomach was growling so I grabbed a breakfast burrito ate it on the way back so mom couldn’t see me eat it (boy was that a guilt) by the time i get back she is getting ready to go and start the chemo we are now in the room and Sharon the nurse greets us and ask if she brought lunch mom says she didn't know what to expect and did not Sharon states she has a menu for mom and moms eyes lit up like no tomorrow. She was really hungry Sharon puts the first drug in about 1030 which will take about and hr and half mom is watching her watch because the said they would bring her menu about 12 but instead Jaz and I go up to the cafe and grab mom some lunch she ate it all boy was she hungry. Then mom falls asleep and watching her in the bed was pretty painful knowing my mom is sick is truly painful but as the drips go slowly into her arm I know it will get her better. So as I close this blog I just wonder what my brother and sister were thinking as the day went by as I was fortunate enough to be there for her on her first day of chemo and many more to come.
Mom I love you.
I LOVE YOU MOM, LORI
Monday, August 4, 2008
As I begin to type this the blog the current time is 10:43pm. In my mind I know I should head off to bed as I have a full work day ahead and mom starts her chemo tomorrow. 1000’s of people all over the world will need my assistance tomorrow, yet I just wish I were there to hold my moms hand and give her a hug as her doctor injects a poison into her body with the faith in will make her cancer go into remission. As the tears roll down my cheeks I try to imagine what my mom must be feeling right now, I know she laid down in bed several hours ago, as she normally does, yet tonight she must be more scared that even the night she found out she has stage 4 lung cancer.
I know I will find a restful nights sleep knowing I have done everything I can today to ensure my mom knows how much she is loved and how much she means to me. Without her you would not be reading this. Not only did my mom bring me into this world, she had molded me into the man I am today. I am sure that alone will give her the strength to fight as hard as she can to beat this terrible cancer. She did not only mold and create me; she also molded and created my brother and sister. They are both strong and amazing people. Together the 3 of us have created something that has become more than we could have ever imagined. We created a foundation in our mothers name to help not only cancer patients, but the ones around them that love them so much.
I wonder what pops must be feeling. He took the 3 of us in as his own. My niece and nephews are the apple of his eyes, just as they are the apple of my mom’s eyes. I know mom will be there to watch them grow up and have children, her great grandchildren. I know she will give them even more wisdom than she gave us. After all mom was only 17, barely an adult when she gave birth to me. My mind has a hard time imagining what she has to offer her grandchildren.
I sit her at my dinning room table as I have for over a month, every night. Tonight to my left is a list of the drugs they are going to inject my mom’s body with tomorrow. The side effects of these drugs are wild. How do you deal with the fact you may have “closing of the throat’?
I sit here wondering what my mom will look and feel like the next time I see her. I live in
Mom (at least via the phone) has an amazing outlook, yet I know deep inside she must be as scared as I am. On the other hand I know mom has a created an amazingly strong person in me thus she must be just as strong, after all she created 3 of us.
I am going to close this blog with one thing. Mom I love you more than you can imagine and my brother sister and I are going to do everything we know, or may need to learn to ensure you beat this cancer, and that you will live a happy fulfilled life on your terms. Simply knowing you can raise kids that can do so much so many has to give you faith in yourself.
I love you always, your a fighter, kick this in the @ss
Friday, August 1, 2008
Hello everyone, these past two weeks have been very rough for our family. First they told us mom's cancer had spread to her neck & colon. Then after more (agonizing) test for mom thankfully nothing in the neck however it has spread around the colon. It's going to be ok though. Mom is strong & so are we. You know they say "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get" & my wonderful brother (Jeff) says play life like a deck of cards. Like I said before I didn't know what that meant at first, I'm not a poker player! But as the days have gone by I now know what he's talking about. Play them dam cards they are no bodies business. Basically we have been dealt alot. It's been very trying for us as a family to deal with it together & personally. I had a long conversation with my amazing brother (Dan) last night. I was rambling to him about my life’s troubles at this moment & he was telling me how he was having troubles writing a blog when he said you know what if mom says I just can't do this... So we have to be strong together. And remember brothers, mom, pops, & Jazmine we will get through this. As I said before God will only give us what he thinks we can handle i guess that's the deck of cards my brother is talking about. So as we unite together to make this foundation a strong one & help so many other families similar to ours thank you for all you have done to help us. May god bless everyone in some way or another.
WOW is all I can type. Me, myself and I (Dan Hart) has had the most AMAZING journey to get to where I am. Where I, am, is, a son of an incredible mother, a brother to an amazing man, a sister in law (law sucks) to an amazing woman and a brother to an astounding woman. Without each and every one of them I would simply be a face in a crowd. If you have met me or any of my family you know we are not a face in the crowd. We have nothing that stands out and makes us “different” except one thing our last name is HART.
As I type these words I could not be more proud to say I am a HART. Our mom married into the Hart family and dealt with the “crap” it would bring. She has 3 wonderful children that are proud of her for everything she has ever done. Recently while at UCSD Thornton Hospital mom said to me “ I am sorry, I wish I could turn back time and make you, kids life better, I would change so much” In that nano second I thought, but did not say, “Mom you have made me who I am and you did the same for my brother and sister, you should be so proud.”
My uncle Tim brought my reality back to earth when he said “ I am so proud of you kids for pulling together to help your mom the way you have”.
What was our option?? To pull together and make it happen or sit around and watch it happen?? Make it happen was the only option. I am certain we all crossed lines, broke thru brick walls we did not mean to cross with only one vision in mind, MOM WILL BE CANCER FREE. Actually MOM IS CANCER FREE. Strange how you change the text and meaning and feeling is so different. Or is it?
Mom is a FIGHTER. She is going to kick this cancer is the @ss. Mom has the support and prayers of 10’s of thousands of people she has never met and the WILL she gave her children at birth. Personally I would never change a thing about my up bringing. It has made me who I am. My brother Jeff, sister Laura and I all sit on the board of the Liz Martocci Lung Cancer Foundation with only one vote; however we know we have the power within our selves to change the world.
Tomorrow brings a new day and a new encounter; however as a HART I know we will face it, find a way around it without starting another war, and move forward.
With love respect and Gratitude I close this,
I love you mom and 10’s of thousands feel the same way. Fight with all you have!!!