Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Lately I haven't been I able to find the words to blog. I often read my brothers' blogs to find the inspiration to continue my day. Lately I'm struggling emotionally. Mom's in the hospital again. Last night was the worst I have ever seen her. It gets harder for me everytime. Sometimes it's hard for me to get up in the morning, I just want to sleep, I guess I think that if I sleep all day I won't have to think about it. Every down moment I had today was thoughts of my mom lying in the hospital bed sleeping, with her face swollen and moaning because of the pain she is in. I just can't get that picture out of my mind. I want so badly to make her pain go away. I wish I could comfort her. I can't find the words to tell her it's ok. I look at my children and know that I must continue every day because they need me. My boyfriend told me today to be strong. How?? Really how do I be strong? I know that my children need me to be. I wouldn't be the woman I am today if my mom wasn't strong for me. But the thought of losing her is killing me inside slowly. I wonder if my mom feels like she is slowly dying. Please forgive me anyone if my thoughts are offensive to anyone but this is what I'm feeling. The thoughts I am thinking. I am fighting so hard to get through my days. I'm angry, sad, confused. All I want is to have my mom back. The woman who held my hand and wiped away my tears. Mom I will hold your hand and wipe away your tears. It's funny how things work now. Our parents take care of us and then we take care of them. In closing I will say find your inspirations to go on. You can get through it.
With love until next time

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