Wednesday, July 16, 2008

So where do I start because everyday is a struggle.

So where do I start because everyday is a struggle. It even comes more of a struggle when at about 3pm I get an email from my little sister saying that my mom has this new pain coming from her neck. We take a family vote and we say she needs to go to the hospital because the “what ifs” come to mind what if the cancer has spread what if it is not related at all we just have to be sure. My Wife Jazs takes her to the E.R. at Thorton Hospital in La Jolla I get there kind of late she has already checked in at the registration desk minutes later we get to the room my mom and myself go into the room while Jazmine is in the waiting room. While were waiting for the doctor to see us I start up a conversation with my mom I haven’t really got into deep feelings with my mom because I want to show her that I am strong but this is the worst card that has been dealt to me in my whole life. I have been dealt some bad cards but i got through them just like we going to get through this Ace. I have to let her know how I feel. I tell her she needs to keep positive thoughts (but really if you know that you are terminally ill how can you think positive thoughts) she understands that will help beat this horrible disease. She tells me she’s tired of people telling her us no getting the run around because time is the upmost importance right now. While sitting there she must have coughed for about 20 seconds straight I know that must hurt. I know when I have the chest flu it hurts to cough so just imagine if you had a 4cm tumor on your lung. She’s scared of chemotherapy and radiation she doesn’t want her babies (The grandkids) to see her sick. She knows the big ones know what’s up but the little ones have no clue. She wants them to remember her not being sick. That was pretty hard listening to I tried not to wet my eyes but how could I not. I give her a Big Hug and tell her were going to beat this in all ways and make awareness so this doesn’t happen to anybody else. Then the doctor comes in and ask what’s wrong she tells him that her chest hurts bad and the back of her neck is hurting as well he says "So the new pain is the neck" Mom responds "Yes" He does is checkout and tells her that it is from the stress WELL SHIT I THINK YOU WOULD HAVE STRESS IF EVERYBODY TELLS YOU NO. He says I can give you some muscle relaxers and some anti flamotory meds but this in an emergency room and right now the test you need is outpatient stuff and we cant run the tests that are needed here in this department you need to see your lung doctor. I then step in and say she’s afraid that the pain is being caused because the cancer might have spread into her neck. He assures her that lung cancer doesn’t spread that fast and she seems relaxed for that moment. They do and ekg just to be safe it turns out fine he discharges her. She’s hungry and we go eat. This was the first time I’ve seen her clean her plate wow that was great she hasn’t been eating that well. In closing i just want to say I think with the E.R. doctor telling her it can’t spread that fast it has eased her mind a little bit and that will help her get through this. MOM REMEMBER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND YOU CAN BEAT THIS WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS YOUR SON JEFFREY

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